How I Traded A Victim Story For Ownership And Built A Life I Love

What if the fastest way to change your life is to take full ownership of it? We pull together practical money moves, simple wellness habits, a candid style truth, and a personal story that proves responsibility is a superpower—especially in midlife.

We start with three financial steps women can use right away: join investment communities that normalize ambition, run no-spend streaks that quietly stack cash, and use the backdoor Roth IRA if income limits block a standard Roth. Then we shift to health that actually fits a busy day—balance drills while brushing teeth, kitchen dance breaks, heel raises by the coffee maker—and food that supports energy and aging gracefully, like wild-caught salmon and sardines for omega-3s. A quick style note lands with a smile: wear the size that fits now. Comfort is confidence.

From there, we celebrate non-scale victories after a 169‑pound loss: deeper sleep without an incline, fewer colds, faster recovery from a back strain, and the joy of returning to regular-width shoes. We also share eight books queued for November—spanning Steve Chandler, Jack Canfield, Vonda Wright, Brianna Wiest, Martin Seligman, Paula Rappineau, Taylor Grant, and Dawn Tripp—to fuel mindset shifts and inspired action. Week one from Success Affirmations anchors the theme: take 100% responsibility. Not blame—choice. Choose your thoughts, your responses, and your daily reps.

The heart of the episode is a vulnerable story of single motherhood at 21, building a career step by step, finishing degrees, funding school without debt, and refusing the victim script. Ownership created momentum, resilience, and peace. That’s the invitation for you: find your people, stack small wins, nourish your body, read to expand your map, and claim the driver’s seat of your life.

If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review so more women can find this community. Tell us: what’s one small action you’ll take today?

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And What’s Ahead
• 2:43 Three Financial Tips For Women
• 5:49 Lifestyle And Wellness Habits
• 9:15 A Lighthearted Style Lesson
• 11:16 Non‑Scale Victories After Major Weight Loss
• 15:05 Eight Books On Deck For November
• 19:18 Week One: 100% Responsibility
• 22:10 Ownership Mindset Vs Victim Mindset
• 28:31 Closing, Community, And Ways To Connect

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 1:01

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Midlife Glow Report. So happy to be with you today. I'm Jax, your host. So today's podcast, episode 24, is a good one. We'll be covering some financial tips, some lifestyle and wellness tips, um, a style tip that's a bit lighthearted and funny. Um, some of my non-scale victories I've experienced since losing weight. Uh, some the five eight books I'm reading for November, actually listening to through Audible app in November. So the eight books that I've already actually started. Uh, I am doing this one uh type of book. It's called 52 Weeks to a Successful and Purposeful Life by Jack Canfield. So I'll be covering week one today, and it's so good. And then finally, I will be touching base on an owner mindset versus a victim mindset and the differences in applying it to my life and my examples and which is best. So yeah, we'll get started then. So, first things first, we'll get started here with three financial tips. Uh, first one is join women's investment clubs or online communities for networking education and support. I am part of three or four communities on Facebook, some Facebook groups. Uh, I want to find a local uh here in Cleveland investment financial community for women. Uh that's something I'm gonna tackle in the next 30 to 45 days is research that and find one and join it and hopefully go to a meeting or two uh before the end of the year. Uh, but the financial groups I'm a part of on Facebook um really keep it in front of my mind um how important finances are, what women are doing, what they're struggling with, um, what they're accomplishing. I mean, it's amazing so much things women are accomplishing in in their financial um goals and their financial freedom. So it really keeps me focused and helps me grow to see what other women are doing and how, you know, what is possible. So I highly suggest joining women's investment clubs or online communities for networking or growth. Uh, the next tip is um have financial challenges, little financial games or challenges for yourself, such as a no-spend day, a no spend week, a no-spend month, um, or a savings blitz for 30 days. It's for motivation and growth for your savings, for your bottom dollar, for paying off debt. Um, I always do these no spend days, no spend weeks all the time. I will I will wake up the morning like, you know what? I'll wake up in the morning and I'll think today is a no-spend day. And then at the end of the day, I'll say to myself, you know, let's do it again tomorrow and let's see how long I could keep this going. And then it's amazing how much you really can save and it's a little game for yourself. So I highly suggest that. Finally, if you do make over 150,000 and you're single, or if you're married and you make over 236,000 as a couple, um, you can consider contributing uh to or doing a backdoor Roth IRA. So what you do is you contribute your funds to a traditional Roth IR traditional IRA, and then every year you convert it to a backdoor Roth IRA. So a Roth IRA, you convert it to that, and you do it soon every year to avoid taxable gains. And so when you take out your funds when you're retired, you don't have to pay taxes when you take out your funds, you know, at retirement age. So that really is a good fix. You know, if you can't get a Roth IRA regular, you could do a backdoor Roth Iraq because you're making too much money. So that's my third and final financial tip. So next is lifestyle and wellness tips. Uh, the first one is add balance exercises to boost stability and help prevent falls. I do this by standing on one foot and balancing on one foot when I'm brushing my teeth. Um, when I am at my office at work and I have the stand-up desk raised and I'm talking on the phone or looking up things on my computer. I balance on one foot. I also do heel raises. I do that when I'm brewing a cup of coffee or making some um protein coffee. I will do heel raises while I'm doing that, or even cooking on the stove. I'll do heel raises. Um, and finally, I sometimes dance in my kitchen when I am making dinner or meal prepping. I'll put an 80s or 90s playlist on, and I will dance, I'll sway to sway, I'll step side to side, I'll do little turns, and that really helps with balance and which will eventually, if you keep doing that and be consistent, that could help when you're older to prevent falls and helps with stability. So that's one thing I suggest with balance exercises. Then um the next tip is maintain social, strong social connections by participating in clubs, group activities, and online communities. Um, you know, this online community I developed here has really helped me and others. I have a Facebook group, I have an Instagram channel, I have this newsletter, I have, or I have a newsletter, I have this podcast. Um, so yeah, I really try to build up a community and all the comments and people sharing comments on social media posts. So that's one thing. And then I'm part of many Facebook groups, all different things I'm interested in, and I bounce off ideas and ask questions from other women, and it's more like a community. Even at work, I'm on two teams, which is really um, really like a community, and then I do volunteer. And the last thing I want to do is a Pilates community. I want to join this Pilates community at my old gym that I'm planning on re-enrolling this next 30 days. So I want to join the Pilates community. I also want to join a morning workout community at this new gym. There's a lot of things to do. Um, so yeah, I'm really gonna look forward to joining this new gym, and that'll be my final way to gain some social connections. Finally, the last tip is uh go for hard, healthy, oily fish. And I do this by purchasing at Costco. So if a Costco membership, pay attention. I buy the salmon uh packed in the frozen section in single fillet packets that it already has the oil and herbs. And I just thaw and bake. My son and I love them. So I buy the wild caught salmon in the frozen sections at Costco. And so I also buy the sardines at Costco. Um, the sardines that are wild caught that are packed in oil. So I buy the sardines and I actually put them on crackers with a mustard. So that is my finely lifestyle and wellness tip. Next, I'm gonna share a quick style tip that's kind of comical. Um, something I was totally guilty of for several years in my younger years. So it I was reading a book this past week, and this is what made me really think of it. And so I'm gonna read an excerpt from this book. Um, so it goes like this too tight. Being elegant is wearing clothes the correct size. Clothes that are too tight do not make you look slimmer, but we only serve to remind everyone else that you are too big for the size you are wearing. Please do yourself a favor and steer well away from it. If your blouse opens up over your breasts, if your skirt shows the outline of your knickers, or if your trousers give you a muffin top, your clothes are too tight. Get changed right away into something that is larger. So I really thought this was funny. I was so guilty of this, especially in my 20s and 30s when I wore clothes that were just too tight. I really was a solid 910 in my 20s and 30s, but I thought buying and shopping for and wearing size 7.8 would help me feel thinner in my mind. So that's what I did. Uh nowadays, comfort is just as important as style, and I know back then um I did not look very good when the clothes were too tight, so I was lacking comfort and style back in my 20s and 30s. I don't know if any of you were guilty of this or still are, but it makes me kind of giggle because I was super guilty of this for several years in my 20s and 30s. Um, I thought this was really funny. Hope I didn't offend anyone here on this podcast. But um, you know, don't wear clothes that are too tight. It really doesn't look sexy or appealing. So now I'm gonna share three non-scale victories that I've experienced in losing such a massive amount of weight. I've lost 160 pounds, 169 pounds about to this date. Uh, it's been since um about June, May, June of 2022. I've been doing, um, been on this mission. Um, so first is I'm sleeping better. I can sleep uh without my bed. I have a raised raising bed. Um, I can sleep it without being inclined. Uh back when I was super heavy, I had to sleep it inclined every evening. Um, and then I also can sleep without my sleep apnea machine now. I don't know if it's healthy or advised to do so, but sometimes I'll take little cat naps and I won't use my sleep apnea machine. Uh, before that, you know, about a year ago or, you know, about a year ago, I was not able to do that. Um, I would literally choke and gasp, but um, now I can do that. So that's what a difference it's made. Um, and also I'm healing faster. My immunity system is much stronger with me losing weight. I don't get sick as often. I don't get colds before when I was super overweight. I would get three to four colds, maybe five per year. Now I'm lucky if I get one. Um, I don't get the flu shot because I do have an allergic reaction to it with my lymph nodes. Um, but I haven't had the flu. I had it once last year, and before that, um, I had it I had about once a year, but when I was super heavy, I would get about two to three times a year. So my immunity system has really improved. And now lately I had a back issue about a week ago. Um, and I did pull my back and strain at putting groceries away on a Friday evening. Um, not this past Friday, but the Friday before. But I had a back issue about three years ago, and I threw out my back, and I literally was out of work for a week. I was using a cane for about a month and a half. I couldn't use the gym. I couldn't walk. Um, but with me throwing out my back a week ago, I healed fairly quickly. Now, granted, I haven't hit the gym yet because I'm being cautious, but I'm definitely not using the cane. I only miss work one day and I'm getting up, moving, sleeping okay, and it's just a little sore. So, really, my immunity and I'm healing faster. My immunity has so improved with me losing weight, and I'm definitely healing faster. Finally, I can wear regular shoes. Uh, when I was super overweight, I had to wear wide shoes and a larger size uh because of just the puffiness, you know, and the fats. But now I'm wearing a regular size and I'm back down to an eight and a half regular size shoe. Before I was wearing a nine and a half wide, that's how inflamed and fat and puffy my feet were. So um I have gone down a whole size and I'm not wearing wide anymore. So that's my third and final non-scale victory. Now I'm gonna share the eight books on Audible. I'm planning on listening to you for the month of November. Um, so I'm pulling up my Audible app on my phone as we speak, and I'm gonna share the titles and the authors. And uh, this is what I'm trying to tackle. I actually listened to one early. I just finished it last night. Um, so yeah, uh, we'll get started here. Um so the one I finished last night was Reinventing Yourself, 20th anniversary edition by Steve Chandler. Um, it's really a good book. It's really enlightening, lots of tips. Um, really more like coaching, coaching your life. Um, so uh just things, how to how your perspective, how to look at different things. So that's book number one that's already done. And then I'm listening to Success Affirmations by Jack Canfield. Um, I'm doing that um uh throughout the year, and I'm sharing a post every week, and I'm gonna cover that in the next segment here on this podcast um of each week from the success affirmations. It really is a great book. Um, and it's how to have a successful and purposeful life. That's the purpose of the book. Then I want to listen to Unbreakable by Vonda Wright, MD. Um, I've heard great reviews. It's a recent release. Um, it really is a health, uh health book, um, wellness book, especially for women over 40. And then I want to listen to The Mountain is You. Um, I started it and I want to complete it. That's by Brianna West. Then I want to listen to Authentic Happiness by Martin E. P. Siligman, PhD. Then Mindset Shifts for a Sustainable Healthy Life by Paula Rappineau. Uh, then Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life by Taylor Grant. And finally, I want to listen. Uh, those were all self-improvement books. I want to listen to kind of a fun book. Uh, for me, it's fun. It's called Jackie. It's by Jackie O'Nass. It's her biopic or bio um book by Dawn Tripp. Um, so I want to listen to that. I'm really interested in old historical. Well, not they're they're not old, but they're past historical uh style icons like uh Coco Chanel, Jackie O'Nassis, Audrey Hepburn, Catherine Hepburn. Um yeah, so I'm listening to different biopics about those those amazing women who are still I uh I style icons today. So Jackie by Dawn Trip. So those are my books that I'm gonna be listening to. Uh when my website gets completed and updated uh in the next 30 days, I will be giving recaps of these books, little recaps. So you could read the recap on a blog post. If it's something you're interested in, then you could purchase the book and and listen to it. So um I'll be doing that on my website. I used to do that as well, but my website is down because it's getting redone and it will be up within 30 days, and I will recap these books. But that is my segment about my books for November. Next, as promised, I am going to highlight week one from the Success Affirmations by Jack Canfield. It is 52 weeks to a successful and purposeful life. I did highlight this on my social media and got a lot of interest. Um, and so I'm going to highlight each week on these podcasts and uh it will create thoughts in your mind and how you know how to create the life you want. So I'm really enjoying this book. I highly suggest this book, Success Affirmations by Jack Canfield. So week one, um, the concept for week one is take 100 responsibility for your future. You are in control. It's not magic, it's not fate. You are 100 100% responsible for your future. So I'm gonna uh touch on three uh quotes from the book and the three affirmations that go along with the quote. So first one is we don't naturally want to take responsibility, we want to blame someone else or something else. When you do take 100% 100% responsibility, you have total control on your journey to abundance and success, taking 100% responsibility for your future is the starting line. And here's the affirmation that goes along with that excerpt. I am easily improving my life, moving with ease from where I am now to where I want to be. So the next excerpt is positive energy will get your day off to a great start. Set a few moments aside and repeat affirmation with intention. Do also the night before you sleep. You are training yourself to think differently, to learn to put with positive opportunity and action. Regardless of circumstances, placing blame on events doesn't matter. It's how you respond to that circumstance, whether thoughts, behaviors, or actions, it's totally up to you. You don't have to settle, change your response to the circumstance to get the result you want. And here's the affirmation that goes with that thought. I am confidently creating better circumstances and expanding better opportunities from myself, responding with intelligence to events as they occur. Now, the final step process for this is start paying attention to signals, internal and external alerts, the news or a gut feeling. This will help you change your reactions and responses when you become aware of them. Life becomes much easier when you take control of your own destiny. Don't accept that things just happen to you. Choose to create the life you really want. And here's the affirmation that goes with that final step. I am choosing to change my thoughts, images, and behaviors to respond differently and produce better outcomes. So that was week one of the success affirmations by Jack Canfield. I will then touch on week two, or you can check out my social media that was posted yesterday on Sunday for week two. Um, if you want to see a carousel, if it's easier to read than me reading over the podcast. But um, I'll be doing this every week for the next year or every year, you know, every podcast for the next year, touching on one week per podcast for the uh Success Affirmations book by Jack Jack Canfield, which is 52 weeks to a successful and purposeful life. So that's that segment. Finally, for a closing segment, I want to touch in uh on a mindset practice, an idea. I really never realized I was doing this all these years since I've been a single mom since I was 21. But um I carried this certain mindset, and I'm proud that I did, and I'm gonna explain it with my own personal story. Um, having an ownership mindset versus a victim mindset, and how I personally have owned up and had an ownership mindset for years, and I'm gonna share my story right now. So, how it goes is you don't just walk away like a victim, be an owner, not just wanting to know how to get through something, but what you can learn from it. Every circumstance has something to learn from. Um, when I was 21, I was faced with a very difficult climb. Um, I was uneducated, I didn't have my college degree, I was unemployed, I had no savings, I was 21 years old, I was single, and um, I was very um very immature for my age, and I was pregnant. And um I didn't I decided to keep my son. I didn't use the excuse to have an abortion um or give my son up for adoption. I didn't continue an abusive relationship with his father, who was an alcoholic and a drug user. I didn't get on welfare. Um, I had my son and I worked hard. Um, when I was went into labor, when I was pregnant, I went into labor. It was just me, my parents, and my sisters at the hospital. I did not call his father. And at that defining moment, I decided to do this parent thing on my own with the help of my family. Not because I should do it, but because I wanted to do it, and I accept ownership. From that point on, everything revolved around my son, his future, and my own. Um, I started, I got a receptionist job at a mortgage company, and then I moved up to a loan processor. And during that time, I finished my bachelor's degree in business and finance and became a loan officer. I got my real estate license along the way, and I sold real estate part-time with my mom with a team. Um, I became a mortgage underwriter and I got my notary license, and now I'm back to originating mortgages. Um, I never bothered dating anyone significantly this whole time since um I raised my son, uh, since I was 21. I never received financial help from his father. Even to this day, my son has never spoken or met to his met his father. Um, I worked hard, my son worked hard, I educated myself, and I put my son through private grade school, private high school, and college financially all on my own. I did not play the victim. I did not pull the single mom, poor me card ever. I was proud to be able to provide for my son and myself, and I learned not to give up, to be self-reliant, and that that hard work, anything is possible. Um, I am glad that I did this on my own. My son is so happy. He is educated, he's self-reliant, and he's very proud of me and of himself. We went with no vacations, we went with less name brand clothing. Um, but we were proud and it taught us the value of commitment and hard work and love. Um, my son has already successful in his career, advancing quickly. He's in a master's program. He's paying for all out of pocket, no loans. And um, he has a great group of friends all the way. I mean, his friends, his friendships are from grade school. He hangs out with all his grade school buddies, and we have a loving family. Um, I learned and grew from that season in life, and so did my son. I own my decisions, and I have absolutely no regrets. Having my son and doing it on my own was the best thing that ever happened to me. I think that why I'm not afraid of getting older and I'm not depressed from get becoming an empty nester, and I'm not afraid to age. I'm grateful and excited for this next chapter. And um, to be able to now pour everything into me and my future, I have a growth mindset from everything I have accomplished, and I look forward to every day with positive energy and focus on accomplishing new goals. Um I feel there's nothing that I cannot accomplish because of everything I have overcame, and I have accepted ownership for all my decisions in my life. Um, I own my past and I'm owning my future. I am happy and I am not a victim of circumstance. My thoughts are not in a victim mindset and never have been. I didn't make all my decisions because I should have. It was because I wanted to. Um, I'm not a martyr. I wanted to live this life. I want to grow and in life and learn from all my experiences and all the ways. This has always been my choice, and that's what I've been doing and I intend to do till the day I pass away. So I do have an ownership mindset, not a victim mindset. And I highly suggest you you look into yourself to see what kind of mindset you have and what is helping you for your future and your story, the story you write about yourself. Um, so it gives you freedom to have an ownership mindset, it gives you perspective, it gives you happiness, and it gives you a sense of accomplishment and peace. So I highly suggest you try to have an ownership mindset, not a victim mindset in your life. So that is the final segment. That is my podcast episode 24. I hope you enjoyed it. It was a little bit all over the place, but I came up with ideas throughout the week and I wanted to touch on different things that I read or that I thought of and I made notes throughout the week. So that was um my episode. Uh I uh, you know, if this if this brought joy to you, if you enjoyed this podcast, if you learned something from it, if it made you think, please leave a positive review. It helps women like us find this podcast and helps it grow. Um, check out my Facebook group. I am posting in there every day. It's becoming more active. Um, I would love for it to grow with membership and community and support for women, a place where we can go to bounce off ideas and acknowledge our wins and our losses and find help from women like ourselves. Um I'm glad you followed this podcast. Expect my website coming soon and the new branding for my podcast newsletter and website, expect that in the next um two to three weeks. But I hope you guys have a great week ahead. Thanks for following along. DM me on social media if you have questions or if you have suggestions of what I should cover. I am I welcome all that with open arms. And even um if you have something negative to say about this podcast, DM me. I uh I love to learn, I take criticism well, and um I welcome all thoughts and all questions. So you guys just have a great week ahead. Thanks again. Love Jax.